Ain't no stopping us now...
- Ginger Bliss
- 6 days ago
- 8 min read
I was out of town visiting my sister and her family and, on the way back, there was a slight detour because an overpass had been torn out and the process was underway to build a new one in its place. This is understandably a long-term closure, so there was very clear signage directing everyone to take an exit but continue straight through to get right back on the highway. It seemed simple.
But cars were backed up along the exit which I really couldn't understand because we could all see the overpass wasn't there anymore. Where the stop sign would have typically been, there wasn't one, and yet the cars were still stopping. One...after...the...other. I thought, well maybe there is a tiny stop sign up there that I just cannot see, even though that really made no sense because absolutely no traffic could possibly be approaching in either direction.
When I got to the place where everyone had stopped there was no tiny stop sign, so I kept going but I felt a little uneasy doing it because I wasn't doing what my brain told me I should be doing at that intersection, what it typically would be doing, and what everyone else was doing. I had assessed the new information as I was approaching, knowing it was safe to proceed without any fear and yet fear existed.
Even though it wasn't without some thought and second-guessing, I didn't allow fear to stop me from doing what I knew was safe even though my brain, which remembered the past stop sign being there, was telling me to do something different and my body wanted desperately to press the brake as I approached...just in case.
But I fought the fear, and even when it was terribly uncomfortable not going along with the behavior of the line of cars in front of me, I proceeded without caution because with all the new information provided to me (signage) and my own cognitive reasoning skills, I could trust myself.
In my memoir, Brave Enough To Be Bliss, I share a story about a man I had met who had been living out of his car for several years after a series of unfortunate things occurred in his life. I was trying to help him get himself established with a new career, a place to live, and most importantly, a newfound belief in himself. Early in our friendship, though, he was serving as a tour guide for me in his home state of Michigan and as we were talking about barriers to him finding a job, he said, "I don't think I'm afraid of failure, I'm afraid of success."
I remember being very perplexed by that comment. How could that be? Wouldn't someone who was without a steady job, without a place to live, without steady financial resources to guarantee meals from day to day, wouldn't past failure make him scared of further failure? Wouldn't success be embraced wholeheartedly because of the changes it could bring to his life? I know I thought about including this story in the book, but ultimately, I didn't because I still didn't understand it at the time.
With a 20+ year background in healthcare administration, I've made the riskiest move of my career starting my own business. But I told a friend last weekend, I had been terrified, really paralyzed, and that may have been why it had taken so long for me to get the business started...but after reading the message again today, I had to ask myself, terrified of what? And what I found was that it wasn't the lack of external validation that comes with a healthy salary and impressive job title. It wasn't that I felt unprepared for the role of helping people find their own healing answers or uncover their potential since I'd been doing that for years as the very best unofficial part of my job. It wasn't that I had invested everything into the book and the business and no longer had the financial resources or the assets that I had previously. I have virtually nothing, but it feels like I am stepping into everything, so that wasn't it either.
After peeling back the onion as one of my clients says, the terror was a result of feeling undeserving of the opportunity to do something that comes so naturally to me and brings me great joy while getting paid to do it. It wasn't that I feared failure, I feared the success that would likely come from doing what I was created to do. I feared success because all I knew was struggle, pain, insecurity, and hiding in the shadows behind others who I prepared to shine out in the light. In this role, there would be no one to hide behind. It would be all me, front and center, no more hiding, no more shadows, no more darkness. It would be GB Real, for real.
And that ties back to taking the detour. Watching that process reminded me that our brains operate based on what we know to be true as a result of our history and the neurological pathways in our brains that develop over time. Those pathways that guide our behaviors are deeply engrained especially when they are related to painful experiences in our lives because our brain is designed to keep us safe.
The book includes many examples of the pathways that sabotaged me for decades, but I'll share just a couple here. There were times in my life when I tried talking to a therapist...well, most often for only one appointment before deciding it wasn't for me. Or there's the example of when I was too scared to enter the self-help section at a bookstore as I describe in this video.
The video clip is from a podcast I recently recorded that I'll be sharing in its entirety in the future. And it is that video that led me to finally being able to understand it wasn't that I feared failure, I actually feared success, just like my homeless friend had. When I watched the podcast, I realized that it was me as I am now. Authentic, real, and I loved every minute of recording it. I was doing something that could help someone, but I was now on camera, very visible, and with a voice that was clear and confident.
And I've gotten to this point because I decided a few years back that if I was going to finally face the pain that had plagued me for a lifetime, I was going all the way.
Excerpt from Brave Enough To Be Bliss, Section VI, Chapter 5, Page 354
When I look at the photo I took on that first trip to Phoenix, I see fear. I’m doing it, I’m there physically, but fear is running the show. Not so much fear I didn’t go, but enough that everything is difficult and draining. I see it in my eyes and all over my face. I want to be there, but I’m scared to be there.
And when I look at the next photo taken five years later, I see light in those eyes and joy in that smile. I see someone pleased to be alive no matter what the day holds for her.
Someone buckled in, ready to face whatever conflicts remain from the past and release them. Then, ready to tackle present conflicts in a healthy way, so she can move forward into the unknown future with confidence that she’s ready to really live it.
Self-reflection is hard. Realizing and accepting that I was responsible for most of my suffering was the first key to progress. It is always easier to blame someone else, but I quickly learned it does no good because I have no control over anyone else in my life or in this world. And when I tried through my behaviors to control others, I hurt the relationship. I had to work hard to remind myself that I was in control of me and that was it. It wasn’t easy, but if I had not mastered that one concept, I would still be struggling. Self-reflection and accountability for my behaviors were the non-negotiable factors for me to be able to make lasting changes. And if I was going to go through this amount of pain, I sure as hell wanted to make sure the change stuck.
There is no end to growth as a human being, so I simply invite you to consider starting the journey today. Because when you're brave enough to step into your own pain, when there's someone walking alongside you who isn't scared of it, and when there is someone listening, supporting, encouraging, believing in you when you can't yet believe in yourself, when we do these things together, there Ain't No Stopping Us Now. Following are some of the lyrics from the 70s song by that name along with a Soul Train video. Let it inspire you to move, and my hope is that you take that word literally having your own dance party (Grey's Anatomy ~ Dance It Out) and figuratively facing your pain. And if you don't have someone to be on the journey with you, don't hesitate to reach out as I would be honored to be that person for you or someone you love. Booking | GB Real
There's been so many things that's held us down
But now it looks like things are finally comin' around
I know we've got, a long long way to go, and where we'll end up, I don't know.
But we won't let nothin' hold us back, we're putting our selves together, we're polishing up our act!
If you felt we've been held down before, I know you'll refuse to be held down anymore!
Don't you let nothing, nothing, stand in your way!
I want ya'll to listen, listen, to every word I say, every word I say!
Ain't no stoppin us now!
We're on the move!
...
I know you know someone that has a negative vow, and if you're trying to make it they only push you aside.
They really don't have, nowhere to go.
Ask them where they're going, they don't know.
But we won't let nothin' hold us back, we're gonna put ourselves together, we're gonna polish up our act!
And if you've ever been held down before, I know you'll refuse to be held down anymore!
Don't you let nothing, nothing, stand in your way!
I want ya'll to listen, listen, to every word I say, every word I say!
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson
#braveenoughtobebliss #gbreal #success #detour #hope #healing #selfcompassion #compassion #fear #failure
If you're interested in reading Brave Enough To Be Bliss in its entirety, hardcover copies can be purchased at cost through the link below or a free digital book is also available. There is no financial gain for me in sharing this book, not because I don't think it has value, but rather because you are worthy of the investment of my time, energy, money and tears if you can become aware of even one thing you didn't already know that could help preserve or repair a relationship and lead you to a little more love, joy and life than you have today.
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