"Love like this"...
- Ginger Bliss
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
I don't often write about my spiritual beliefs, not because I'm uncomfortable doing so, but rather because there are so many people who have been hurt by "religion" and that hurts my heart deeply. Knowing this, I attempt to live out the best of my faith through the way I treat people pulling from the love I feel from my Creator hoping it will shine through my actions as I share my deep love for humans, especially those in pain.
While it may seem hard to believe, I had absolutely no conscious awareness that I had been raped when I was 17 years old until I was 44. For 27 years, my brain kept me safe by burying the memory so deeply that it couldn't hurt me, or so my brain thought. (Dissociative Amnesia: What It Is, Symptoms & Treatment) And what I didn't realize until I was writing my memoir, was that sexual assault wasn't the only thing I didn't remember. Around three years of age I was sexually abused by a family member and when I was a few years older than that, I was sexually abused by a pastor.
It is completely understandable that many people who have been hurt as children become adults with hardened and cynical hearts. And yet, in the same way my brain thought it was protecting me by burying the memories, all of the emotions that I didn't express simply came out in other ways through behaviors that didn't erase the pain I was covering, it simply added to it.
Excerpt from Brave Enough To Be Bliss, Section VI, Chapter 22
There was no blaming my parents or anyone else except him. I was simply sad he had hurt me in that way. Sad he had been such a hurt human himself that he could. Sad that it finally made sense why I had felt so badly about myself even before the rape as a teenager. Sad that I didn’t have the ability at that time or the awareness anytime later to express what had happened to me. Sad that so many other little girls and little boys are hurt similarly and are still in pain like I was. Sad imagining how it must feel to be the human perpetrator who could commit such crimes against other humans. Sad for those of us who get so mixed up about what it is to be loved and cared for when someone we know and love hurts us in these ways. Sad that little people like me grow up to be the hurt, confused, and scared adults that we are, who then pass along pain without even understanding why we do what we do. Sad for everyone involved and sad that, at least to date, people in our world have lived in more fear of sexual abuse and assault than we have lived in love. Sad that we can’t face whatever fears we have personally in order to help those who have been hurt, as well as those who are hurting us, to become the healthiest people we can be and make the world a happier, safer, and less lonely place.
I don't feel the need to try to convince anyone to believe what I believe related to my faith because I'm comfortable with who I am and with my faith where it is at this point in my life. I certainly don't profess to have it all figured out, I'm just comfortable with the love and grace I can now feel after many years of questions, frustrations and searching for answers...and for peace.
I am not bothered, intimidated or offended by anyone having different beliefs except when those beliefs cause them to treat other human beings in ways that are unkind, disrespectful or harmful. But even then, I realize their beliefs come from a place of fear and lead to controlling behaviors, so I still try to show compassion for the human being behind the behavior. I know that when I listen with an open mind or ask questions from a place of trying to understand, I have a chance to learn something new and see another perspective. But even when I can't see their perspective or fully understand, I can still treat them with respect, care, kindness and love. That is what my faith does for me. It leads me to have more compassion for all humans. It leads me to give more love. It encourages me to show less judgement, not more.
“We all have the same God we just serve him differently. Rivers, lakes, ponds, streams, oceans all have different names, but they all contain water. So do religions have different names, and they all contain truth, expressed in different ways, forms and times. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a Muslim, a Christian, or a Jew. When you believe in God, you should believe that all people are part of one family. If you love God, you can’t love only some of his children.” Muhammad Ali
Many of us who have been hurt in one way or another as children find it difficult as adults to believe that we could be loved...by anyone, human or Divine. Sometimes our abusers told us what they did when they hurt us was because they loved us. And that makes it difficult to connect spiritually because we often question why a loving Creator would allow us to be hurt. It is also even more difficult to truly connect with or trust humans because we were hurt terribly by humans.
As children our young brains try to make sense of the pain, so we turn against ourselves because if we believe we are the problem then maybe we can have a sense of control over the future and further pain, so maybe we wouldn't have to fear so much. Oftentimes we believe there's something inherently wrong with us and if only we could be perfect enough maybe we wouldn't continue to be hurt and instead we could feel some type of love that isn't painful. But deep down we know we are simply not worthy of love, so as we become adults and the possibility of romantic relationships arise, we behave in very confusing ways to others and to ourselves. But not because we don't want loving relationships, love is simply confusing to us so we behave in confusing ways. We desperately want to be loved, but we are also equally terrified of it because all love has meant in the past is pain.
And that is why healing is so important at any age, any stage...but the sooner the better. The earlier we can learn about how the brain works, how it tries to protect us, but how that can actually hurt us in situations where we are no longer in danger. So, I would ask each person who reads this not to judge those who behave in ways that seem irrational to you and rather to understand that pain does damage you may not be able to understand or relate to, but unhealed pain leads hurt people to hurt people. It doesn't make it right, it just makes it that individual's reality. And hurt people need compassion, not judgment. Hurt people need understanding, encouragement...and most of all love. The real kind. The kind that doesn't inflict pain, but rather offers comfort, kindness and caring.
In my memoir, I share many of the ways that I unintentionally hurt others with my behaviors that stemmed from my unhealed pain. It doesn't make it right, it just makes it real. I share my story so others may begin to recognize their own behaviors or that of those they love to be able to ask questions with love versus judgment. There isn't a human alive who doesn't need a love like this.
If you're interested in reading Brave Enough To Be Bliss in its entirety, hardback copies can be purchased at cost through the link below or a free digital book is also available. There is no financial gain for me in sharing this book, not because I don't think it has value, but rather because you are worthy of the investment of my time, energy, money and tears if you can become aware of even one thing you didn't already know that could help preserve or repair a relationship and lead you to a little more love, joy and life than you have today.
It really helps me be more patient and understanding with others instead of judgmental and falls in line with everything that I have studied about the word of God. Judge not less you be judged.